The Night You Twocced My Heart

The night you twocced my heart
I thought it was secured -
Parked, locked and under lights
Taxed, tested and insured

The night you twocced my heart
I left it parked in gear
Downhill in the suburbs
And dented in the rear

The night you twocced my heart
It had been cleaned – it’s just
The exterior trim was shabby
With a lot less chrome than rust.

The night you twocced my heart.
At forty it was shaking
It backfired in the morning
And had inconsistent braking.

The night you twocced my heart
You’d have spotted something wrong
The carburettor floods
If you choke it for too long

The night you twocced my heart
The heat blew hot – then cold
The fan-belt started squeaking
And an offside tyre was bald.

The night you twocced my heart
It veered slightly to the left
Covered only by Third Party
Immune to fire or theft.

The night you twocced my heart
It did have a full tank
– A tiger’s tail and sticker
Saying “Atomkraft – Nein Danke”

The night you twocced my heart.
It’s one of the older types
Ready for a re-tune
And white Go Faster stripes.

The night you twocced my heart
I thought you’d soon despair
The clutch is always slipping
And the body needs repair

The night you twocced my heart.
Why you took it is a mystery.
It had several careless owners
And no full service history.

It isn’t a new model
It doesn’t always start
But it went from nought to sixty
The night you twocced my heart.